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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

growing up

Something about the seasons changing, or kids turning new ages and reaching new milestones is to blame for this random post.

My first born turned eight years old a few weeks ago and yesterday I sat and filled out kindergarten paperwork for my littlest one.  How did they get so big and how did it happen so fast?

I remember being a kid and my dad talking about how fast time goes by.  He would even say that each year of our life goes faster than the previous year.  If I sit and think about it, he was so right.  In May I will turn 32... thirty-two years old.  In May it will be seven years since my dad died.  In August it will be ten years that Bryan and I have been married.  Time goes by so fast.  It is crazy.

I have actually come to terms with my kids growing up.  It is still, and will always be a very bittersweet thing.  Some milestones are more sweet and some are more bitter.  Overall though, I feel like I am in a positive place with it.  I am for sure past the baby fever stages.  I will confess that I do love to be pregnant and that I think infants are amazing and perfect in most ways... but I am not desiring any of that any longer.  I am no longer questioning if I am truly ready to say that we are done growing our family in size.  
I am done.  We are done.  Our family is complete and wonderful just as it is.

We recently bought Disneyland passes.  
On our first trip there as we parked our car, quickly each unbuckled ourselves, opened our own doors and ran off together out of the parking structure... I couldn't help but say out loud how great it is to be free of strollers, and diaper bags, and all that stuff that complicates trips like this.  Oh and how fun it is to have kids big enough to ride all the fun rides.  Bryan and I also have learned the art of day time dates while both kids are in school.  This is a new luxury for us that I had no idea was so fun and easy.  No babysitters needed!  Next year when Avery is in school all five days it will be even easier for Bryan and I to enjoy days together.  See, I am finding joy in our kids getting older!  Even in these little and maybe silly ways.

A couple of weeks ago I did experience a bitter moment with Grant growing up though.  He asked me to stop calling him "Bubba".  It brought tears to my eyes when he said it.  I knew the day would come though. He explained to me that sometimes it was embarrassing for him.  I totally understood and for sure do not want to cause him embarrassment, so I told him I'd try to stop but that it may take some time since we call him Bubba more often then Grant.  Several days later I accidentally called him "Bubba" and I quickly apologized.  He then told me that he decided that we could still call him "Bubba".  When I asked him what changed his mind he explained to me that he missed hearing it.  He said that he didn't realize that the nickname we had for him made him feel special more often then embarrassed.  This time I didn't just tear up, I cried.  Bittersweet.  

Over the past year the conversations I have had with Grant have been so great.  So special.  And they are conversations that we have because he is getting older.  Because he is becoming his own person, and figuring out his own way, discovering why he feels certain things or chooses to believe certain things... and he shares so much of this with me during our conversations.  I am beyond thankful for these times and it makes me so happy about him getting older.  In those moments when I am learning about who he is and seeing pieces of the boy he is being shaped into, I am thankful for my kids growing up.  I am thankful for these two amazing kids that I have.

And although I am okay with them growing up... I do still feel the desire to photograph and document them all of the time.  I still want to capture these days. Just as I'll want to capture the days in five and ten years too. To be able to freeze a moment in their current state to look back on in years to come.  I will always be this way...  never wanting to chance missing out on a saved moment.  It is why I love to take pictures and why I choose to write this blog... pieces saved of our family's many stories.


  1. Um, I just cried at my desk. My heart broke for you as you heard your sweet little guy's honest request. I then rejoiced a few lines later as I read his new request. I started feeling the sadness of my kids growing up, and then I realized I don't even have kids yet!!!