pinterest code

Sunday, August 19, 2012

she's four

today is the day

four years ago
at 1:07pm to be exact

that our little girl was born

i say the following every year 
on both of my kids' birthdays...

why does time go by so fast?
and why does it seem to be going 
faster with each passing year?
and i plan to keep asking until i get an answer!

 four years ago when this not quite 7 pound babe 
was handed to me, i didn't understand 
how she'd change me.  
i didn't realize how with time,
 she was going to change our entire family.

look at the two of them gaze at her!?
four years later they still look at her
and i'm pretty sure that they always will.

did you know that i was scared to have a daughter?  i was.
when they told us "girl" at our first ultrasound, my heart
began beating faster and i grew really anxious.
we went back a couple more times for confirmation
that she truly was a "girl" and every single time, she still was.

during the course of my pregnancy
we were prayed for and given affirmation that
avery was an amazing gift from god to our family.
that this gift, this little girl growing inside me,
 that she represented specific wonderful things, 
for our marriage and our family as a whole.

eventually i believed that the ultrasound pictures were right.
i was going to have a girl.
i was going to be a mom, to a daughter.

this meant i was going to have to share my fears of
being a mom to a daughter with those around me.

i knew i needed to trust god and his plan.

i knew that some of my fears were normal and maybe even silly.
and that some weren't silly or even normal.
some of my fears came from my own childhood 
and were out of my control.

i knew i needed to give up my personal need for control of
how this whole mother/daughter thing would go,
how it would feel, what it would look like, 
and how it would all turn out in the end.
i needed to trust that i wasn't going to fail her.

i was learning that the greatest and scariest thing
we can fully trust god with, is our children.

now every year on her birthday
i spend time thanking god
for unanswered prayers...
my many prayers for a house full of only boys.
all the praying i did to not have a girl,
because i was so scared i wouldn't know how to raise her.
 thank you for unanswered prayers.

god's plan is always greater than ours.
sometimes we just need to get a few miles 
down the path that god chose for us, 
before we are able look back and see
how much better his plan actually was 
than the path we tried to make for ourselves.

i have no clue what we'd do without 
this ball of personality in our family.
she has completed us in an amazing
(and loud, crazy, wild, hilarious, 
entertaining, and at times a little inappropriate)

grant has said many adorable things about his sister over the years,
but this is and will probably always be my personal favorite...
"avery brings joy to our family."
such a simple statement... and so so true.

last week as we were gearing up
for her birthday, this conversation 
that i never want to forget happened...

me: how old are you going to be?
ave: four
me(with a sad face): oh no... you are 
going to be four... what will mommy do?
(she took my face in her hands and pulled
our faces so close that our noses touched)
ave(in her sweet voice):mommy, no matter 
how big i get i will always be your baby.

i made her promise me that this would always be true.

i know that we won't always get along.
i know the chances are high that she will one day scream,
"i hate you mom... you don't understand me!"
i also know she'll get past that phase.
and we'll get along again after that.
at least most of the time.
i no longer fear that i will fail her as her mom.
i have actually discovered that 
i love being a mom to a daughter.
especially this daughter.

she is something else
 i am thankful she was given to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment